Cold Sober Truth
by Dolores Storey
Summary: A sober Sebastian is filled with rage after STEM and goes to Kidman for answers. However, the cold hard truth he gets isn't what he wants…


**Cold Sober Truth**

 _A sober Sebastian is filled with rage after STEM and goes to Kidman for answers. However, the cold hard truth he gets isn't what he wants…_

It was far past midnight when Juli Kidman's light sleep was interrupted by a harsh and loud knocking at her front door. Names rushed through her head. The Administrator? Or maybe one of his goons? Tatiana? God forbid it was Myra. The others may have beaten the shit out of her, but Myra would kill her in a thousand different ways.

Kidman grabbed the gun from her nightstand and quietly made it to the front door before looking through the peephole. It was no Mobius agent, but a very tired Sebastian Castellanos. She hadn't even spoken to him since STEM. The trio was given a week off and a stupid medal for their "hard work and determination."

She tucked her gun behind her and opened the door but Sebastian burst open the moment the lock was dislodged.

"We need to talk." He growled, pushing past her. He gave her a passing glare, "Drop the gun."

She appeared confused.

"I know you have one, give it to me."

Kidman crossed her arms over her chest. "Are you drunk?"

"No where near. Now, give me the fucking gun."

For once she listened to him. She pulled the pistol from her pajama pants and handed it over. Kidman knew whatever Sebastian came to talk about may possibly end her up six feet under anyways.

"Sit." He demanded. Kidman questioned it for a moment. This was her house… sort of. However, it wasn't Sebastian's, but he deserved the benefit of the doubt. She had never seen him sober before and something had to be wrong if he wasn't drinking.

"Why did I see you with Myra?" Sebastian sat down and gripped Kidman's gun tight in his palm.

She was going to play it off, telling him that he was dreaming, but it was obvious that wouldn't work.

"You wouldn't understand."

His grip tightened, "Explain, Kid."

"Fine," She agreed, knowing there was no stopping his frustration at this point, "But if you don't believe me, there's nothing I can do. I won't lie to you Seb, not this time."

"Then continue." Kidman had never seen him like this. Sure, he had been angry, he had been out right furious but this was an indescribable emotion that she simply couldn't place.

"Myra Hanson is my boss. We work for a secret organization called Mobius. We are partially responsible for STEM. I was put into the KCPD as a double agent – but please, please understand I didn't mean to put you are Joseph into any danger, that wasn't my doing. I couldn't believe what they did to you two."

There was a pause as Sebastian tried to keep his anger to a minimum. "So… She works for Mobius? She's not dead?"

Kidman nodded, "She always has. Far before her training as a detective she was high up in the ranks as a Mobius agent."

Sebastian looked down at the gun, a pistol he had given to Kidman himself as a birthday gift. "I always knew you were to much like her…"

"But I'm not. I try not to be Seb – please put the gun down."

Instead he pointed it at her. "Why not? Is there more to say? Is there more _secrets_ and _lies_ you've hid from me Juli?"

Her chest tightened. A part of her knew she should feel scared. Sebastian was deadly with any weapon, but if Kidman was killed tonight, she knew she deserved it. "More than you know."

A small purr came from behind Kidman's chair and her small black cat quietly walked between her legs. It sniffed up and looked at Sebastian before suddenly leaping onto his lap and finding a comfortable place. Kidman's heart dropped. Would he shoot the cat?

"What's its name?"

"…Lily."

Sebastian stiffened, recognizing the name instantly. "Lily, hm? Did Myra name it?"

"She gave her to me, but I named her."

"Why Lily?"

Kidman looked down at her feet.

"I said, _why Lily_?"

"I'm going to have to ask you to put the gun down."

Sebastian slammed his fist down on the table beside him, "Answer me!"

She had never begged before but it had gotten to the point that he was actually beginning to frighten her, "Please, Seb."

Shockingly he sat it down. "Now tell me."

"What do you want to know?"

A pause. "How do you know about Lily?"

He deserved to know the truth. "It was one of my first real missions. I didn't even know who you were at the time. I was with Myra and the mission was… to search and destroy-"

The pistol was picked up again and this time cocked in a heartbeat.

"No," said Kidman, "I didn't kill your daughter Seb, I promise…. It… it was Myra."

"I don't believe you."

"I saw her do it. I told you that I wouldn't lie. Myra killed Lily and her nanny. I set the house on fire while Myra was still in it. I couldn't believe what I had seen." Kidman swallowed hard, barely able to hold back, "I never got over it. She was what? Five? A five year old sobbing over the mere idea that her own mother had a gun pointed at her. I couldn't stop crying. Why did she have to die? And why did I name a damn cat after her?"

She looked up to see Sebastian's head in his hands. Another new emotion – sadness. The pistol had been dropped to the floor, the cat had leapt down, and the strong-willed detective was a mess. Kidman didn't know what to do, should she help? She couldn't just sit there.

"Sebastian, I'm… I'm so sorry." She sat down on the floor in front of him, unsure to hug him or not. "Let me get you a drink or something."

"Drinking doesn't help anymore." Kidman didn't think she had ever heard something so un-Sebastian.

"A cigarette? I have a joint in my room-"

"No." He looked up at her, eyes red with tears. There was no covering his sadness now. Sebastian shook his head and placed a gentle grasp on either side of Kidman's face. "You look like her too… You could almost be her daughter."

"Myra? Everyone says that. I've left Mobius, Sebastian. This is my cold sober truth, my last confession. I can't do it anymore. I can't hurt people like Lily, Joseph, or Leslie. They were innocent people."

"We've all committed sins," Sebastian leaned forward and held Kidman close to his chest, "I forgive you."

"I can't forgive myself."

"Neither can I."


End file.
